The longer you're part of
the corporate work force, the more humorous this area becomes.
Best Things to say
if Caught Sleeping At Your Desk...
"They told me at the
blood bank this might happen."
"This is just a 15
minute power-nap as described in that time management course you
sent me."
"Whew! Guess I left
the top off the White-Out You probably got here just in time!"
"I wasn't sleeping! I
was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new
paradigm."
"I was testing my
keyboard for drool resistance."
"I was doing Yoga
exercises to relieve work-related stress."
"Damn! Why did you
interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest
problem."
"The coffee machine is
broken..."
"Someone must've put
decaf in the wrong pot..."
" ... in Jesus' name.
Amen."
You know you work
in Corporate America in the 90's if...
You sat at the same
desk for 4 years and worked for three different companies.
You worked for the
same company for 4 years and sat at more than 10 different desks.
You've been in the
same job for 4 years and have had 10 different managers.
You order your
business cards in "half orders" instead of whole boxes.
When someone asks
about what you do for a living, you can't explain it in one
sentence.
You get really excited
about a 2% pay raise.
You use acronyms in
your sentences.
Your biggest loss from
a system crash is that you lose your best jokes.
You sit in a cubicle
smaller than your bedroom closet.
It's dark when you
drive to and from work.
Fun is when issues are
assigned to someone else.
The word "opportunity"
makes you shiver in fear.
You see a good looking
person and know it is a visitor.
Free food left over
from meetings is your main staple.
Weekends are those
days your significant other makes you stay home.
Being sick is defined
as can't walk or you're in the hospital.
Art involves a white
board.
You're already late on
the assignment you just got.
Dilbert cartoons hang
outside every cube and are read by your co-workers only.
Your boss' favorite
lines are "when you get a few minutes" or "when you're freed up".
You read this entire
list and understood it.
After a 2 year study, the
National Science Foundation announced the following results on the
American Male's recreational preferences:
1. The sport of choice
for unemployed or incarcerated people is: basketball
2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is: bowling.
3. The sport of choice for blue-collar workers is: football.
4. The sport of choice for supervisors is: baseball.
5. The sport of choice for middle management is: tennis.
6. The sport of choice for corporate officers is: golf.
Conclusion: The higher you
rise in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls become.
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