Q: What are two things people never eat before breakfast?

A: Lunch and supper.

Q: Why did the man throw a bucket of water out the window?

A: He wanted to see the waterfall.

Q: Why did the man throw the butter out the window?

A: He wanted to see the butterfly.

Q: Why did the man put the clock in the safe?

A: He wanted to save time.

Q: What has two hands and a face, but no arms and legs?

A: A clock.

Q: What has a neck, but no head?

A: A bottle.

Q: Where is the ocean the deepest?

A: On the bottom.

Q: Why did the man throw his watch out of the window?

A: He wanted to see time fly.

Q: What State in the United States is High in the middle and round at the ends?

A: Ohio.

Q: "There were some twins. One was twenty, the other was twenty 2. One married the other. How can be this ?"

A: "One was twenty, the other twenty too. One was a priest so he married the other"

PS: These sentences must be asked orally .Pronunciation is important. (too = 2)

Q: How do you spell mousetrap?

A: C-A-T.

This one should be spoken.

Q: How many legs does an ant have?

A: Two, the same as an uncle.

(HINT: ant = aunt)

Q: How many people are buried in that cemetery?

A: All of them.

Q: What can't be used until it's broken?

A: An egg.

Q: What do tigers have that no other animals have?

A: Baby tigers.

Q: What is Black and white and read (red) all over?

A: A newspaper

Q: Why is number six afraid ?

A: Because seven eight nine (seven ate nine)

Q: How do you know when a motorcycle policeman is happy?

A: He has bugs on his teeth!

Q: What did zero say to eight?

A: Nice belt.

(The 8 looks like a 0 with a belt around its waist.)

Q: What did number 1 say to 7?

A: Nice hair

In the alphabet...

Q: Which is the most self-centered letter of the alphabet?

A: "i" (I)  

Q: Which letter is always trying to find reasons?

"y" (Why?")

Q: Which letter is not me?

A: U.

Q: What letter can do the work in one day that you can do in two days?

A: W (Double u- Double you)

Q: Why don't we need a compass at the North Pole?

A: Because every direction is south.

Q: Why is the A like a flower?

A: Because the B is after it.

Why is the letter "A" like noon?

Because it's in the middle of the day.

Q: "What letter of the alphabet has got lots of water?"

A: "The C"

Q: "What letter of the alphabet is always waiting in order?"

A: "The Q. (queue)

Q: What has two heads, four eyes, six legs and a tail?

A: A horse and its rider.

Q: What is as big as a horse but doesn't weigh anything?

A: The horse's shadow.

Q. Why was the hearse horse hoarse?

A. Because of the coffin

 Q: Why are man with pierced ears better suited for marriage?

Q: Because they have suffered and bought jewelry.

Q: What begins with T, ends with T and has T in it?

A: A teapot.

Q: Do you know why birds fly to south in the winter?

A: Because it's too far to walk there.

Q: Why do birds fly south in the fall?

A: Because it's too far to walk!

Q: Which letters do Tuesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday have in common?

A: None! None of them have "c", "o","m" or "n" in them.

I tried this one with Japanese university students. They understood all the words and enjoyed it.

Q: What are the 3 important rings in life?

A: Engagement ring, Wedding ring, and suffering.

Q: Which room has no doors, no windows.

A: A mushroom.

Q: What gets wetter as it dries?

A: A towel

Q: A man rode into town on Tuesday. Two days later he rode home on Tuesday. How is this possible?

A: His horse's name is Tuesday.

Q: Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance?

A: He didn't have anybody to take. (any BODY)

Q: A father and his son were in a car accident. The father died. The son was taken to the hospital. The doctor came in and said: I can't do surgery on him, because he's my son. Who was the doctor?

A: The doctor was his mother.

It's an old riddle that is more difficult in some countries than in others.

Q: Why did the student take a ladder to school?

A: Because he/she was going to high school!

Q: Why did the tomato blush?

A: Beacuse it saw the salad dressing!

Q: What are the two strongest days of the week?

A: They are Saturday and Sunday. All the others are weak (week) days.

Q: How far can a dog run into the forest?

A: Halfway, after that he is running out of the forest.

Q: What do you call a bear without an "ear"?

A: BBBBBBB

Q: Which is faster, heat or cold?

A: Heat, because you can catch a cold.

A: How many apples can you eat if your stomach is empty?

B: 4 or 5

A: No, that's wrong, because after eating one apple your stomach isn't empty.

If you are doing a discussion about space, then students will like this one.

Q: Why did Mickey Mouse go to outer space?

A: To find Pluto.

Q: What is the difference between the capital of Russia and a calf's mother?

A: One is Moscow, the other is a cow's Ma.

(It needs to be spoken to understand it.)

Q: What do you call a Spaniard who can't find his car?

A: Carlos

It's pronounced "carless" (meaning without a car)

Q: What's the difference between electricity and lightening?

A: You don't have to pay for lightening.

Q: What's the difference between a TEACHER and a CONDUCTOR ?

A: A teacher TRAINS the MIND and a conductor MINDS the TRAIN.

Q: What part of your body disappears when you stand up?

A: Your lap. (good for phrasal 'stand up', and 'laptop', lap-dog, etc.)

Q: What do you call a witch at the beach?

A: A sandwich.

Q: Why did the trafic signal turn red?

A: You would too if you had to change in the middle of the street.

Q: What's the difference between a lion with toothache and a wet day?

A: One's roaring with pain the other's pouring with rain

Q: Why are baseball stadiums so cool?

A: There is a fan in every seat.

My Spanish-speaking students got a kick out of this one.

Q: What do you call a person who speaks 3 languages?

A: (Try to elicit responses..) Tri-Lingual.

Q: What do you call a person who speaks two languages?

A: (Many of them know this one) Bi-Lingual.

Q: What do you call a person who speaks one language?

A: An American!

Q: What do you call a fish without an eye?

A: Fsh.

(Hint: No "eye" = No "i")

Q: What has thirteen hearts but no body and no soul?

A: A pack of playing cards.

Q: What do you call a fish that only cares about himself?

A: Selfish.

Q: Why couldn't Mozart find his teacher?

A: Because the teacher was Hayden.

(Hayden --> Hidin' --> Hiding)

Q. What's a minimum?

A. A very small mother!

(mini-mom)

Q: Why can't a bicycle stand on its own?

A: Because it's two-tired (too tired)

Q: What do you get if you cross a pig with a karate fighter?

A: Pork chops.

Q: What's got a head and a tail, but no body?

A: A coin.

Q: What's got a wave but no sea?

A: My hair.

Q: What has three feet but no legs or arms?

A: A yard

Q: Where does a boxer who weighs 135 kilograms sit on a bus?

A: Wherever he wants to.