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ARIES
You tend to be headstrong and deliberate in your actions. Basically you
don't give a fuck about anyone. Most people hate you but you couldn't
care less. You're the type of person who would masturbate at a wedding
TAURUS
Warm and caring are your most endearing characteristics. You get on
well with most people because you're bisexual. You hardly ever wear
underwear and you constantly smell of piss.
GEMINI
Your star sign denotes an air of duality in your character. Simply,
you're a neurotic schizophrenic. A real fucking weirdo, the type of
person who'd kill them self to win a bet.
CANCER
You have a businesslike attitude to life and a knack for making money.
You're an unscrupulous bastard who would sell relative's limbs to buy a
mobile phone. You are likely to be murdered.
LEO
The adventurous type, always looking for thrills and willing to try
anything. In other words, stupid. You have the IQ of a garden snail and
will never amount to anything. Most Leos are living on the welfare.
VIRGO
You like the good things in life and you know how to enjoy them. But
you're prone to bullshitting and you're a cheap bastard. Virgo men are
usually queers and the majority of Virgo women are whores.
LIBRA
You are the forgiving type and you don't bear grudges. This makes
you an asshole. For your entire life people will make a complete prick
out of you. Nobody will go to your funeral.
SCORPIO
You are sharp, a quick thinker and good at puzzles. However these
are your only good traits. You screw small animals and love picking your
nose. You should become a stunt performer with no helmet.
SAGITTARIUS
You are the romantic mushy type, soft-hearted and a lover of the
arts. You are likely to import Dutch pornography and sex toys. Men even
willing to rent Sleepless In Seattle to increase your odds for a romp in
the sack.
CAPRICORN
You are deep and personal in your thoughts, the quiet type. A mean
self-centered cunt and a closet homosexual. Your best friend is probably
an altar boy.
AQUARIUS
You are the academic type and will probably end up working in the
legal system. This means you are an absolute pervert, at the least a
transvestite. Your ideal sexual partner is a Labrador puppy wearing
fishnet tights.
PISCES
You are the eternal optimist, seeing the best of any situation. You
have no grasp of reality and live in a dream world. Most people consider
you to be the greatest living moron. You will continually fail. You're a
prick.
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WARNING
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